im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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