If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
