Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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