she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
