I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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