Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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