She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
