I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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