Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
