My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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