I am puke
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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