If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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