the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
