Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
