Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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