Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
