Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
