I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
