Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
