i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
