She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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