I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
