The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
