ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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