Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
