I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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