Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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