I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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