Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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