Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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