Me. At least after what I've been through.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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