I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
