I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
