Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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