Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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