forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
