you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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