My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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