So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
