i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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