You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
