brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
