so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
