My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
