You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
