I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
