Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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