last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
