my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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