im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
