Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
