This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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