He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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