i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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