yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
