walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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