Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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