I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
