My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
