Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
