Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
