I faked an abortion last night.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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