I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
