We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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