Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
