she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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