I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize