benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
