This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
