You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
soo... how was my night?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
