I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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