Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
