that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
