Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
