Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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