Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
