nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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