whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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