Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
