DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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