Please, let me fuck your mom
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
