Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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