I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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