it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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