Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
