I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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