R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
