I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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