I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize